Stop being a pain in the ass.
Thanks.
Stop being a pain in the ass.
Thanks.
Mainly because there was nothing happening. So instead, I published my son’s website.
He made it with his buddy, and it’s all their own (with one or two extremely minor assists from me). Check it out… if you dare!
The Chilean tsunami is expected to reach Seattle around 4:30 this afternoon. It’s also expected to be about 6-feet high according to one source, but the BBC is saying it could be either nothing or 10 meters.
Of course, Seattle is on Puget Sound, not the Pacific Ocean. We have a huge peninsula between us and the sea, and while we get waves, their tiny little lapping waves, not the relatively strong crests you can see in a place like Ocean Shores.
So how crazy would it be to go relatively close to the water’s edge and watch the wave come in? I know better than to actually stand on the shore: six inches of running water can sweep a person off their feet and two feet of water can carry away a car. I don’t want to see my son swept out to sea, obviously.
And yeah, we do live close to the water, but well uphill. Our home wouldn’t be in any danger. We could go to either a bayside spot well over six feet above the typical waterline, or we could go to a cliff-side park at the top of a hill.
It’s something I’d like to see, and that I’d like my son to see; I just don’t want my tombstone to read “He was stupid.”
edited to add: The National Weather Service says there won’t be any tsunami in this area, only slightly higher tides and “dangerous currents”. Nothing to see here. No need to head out.
Ah well. At least this means there’s no danger to the city. Maybe we’ll find some video online to show my son what a tsunami looks like.
I finally collected seven more. Behind the cut!
Continue reading
I don’t usually follow this particular writer, but this really hit home for me:
That’s Roger Cohen in today’s NY Times, and I want to make it clear that I agree with him: The bar must be set high, and President Obama must not authorize the use of extra-judicial revenge violence in a country we are not at war with, not unless he wants to stand with Dick Cheney and the rest of the war-mongering neocons.
Per this thread on Making Light, I proposed a definition for the word “darf”. I re-post it here to secure my place in the glorious history of the English language.
“Darf” v. to claim to be engaged in and winning a non-existent fight or contest against a more powerful opponent. Usage: “That’s when I discovered my son had been darfing me in a potato chip-eating race.”
Yes, I’m aware that there are a couple of “definitions” (picture air quotes here) at urb*nd*ct**n*ry.c*m, but the misogyny and trollish excess on that site makes me sick. Therefore, I pretend it doesn’t exist.
As a side note: anyone reading this who works for Random House… warning! Click that first link above!
As an other-side note: I’m still mildly sick, but I’m at work today. What the hell; I might as well be miserable here as at home.
Is this really a good idea?

No, I don’t mean swinging high above the city from a thin strand that was liquid seconds before, and that you made yourself with a basement chemistry set. I mean the suit. Should Spider-man be wearing a suit with webs and spiders on it?
Hey, you’re thinking, it’s a theme. I get that. I get the theme, but as soon as you see a superpowered guy with a spiderweb on his clothes, don’t you immediately think “I’ll bet he has spider powers, like climbing walls and shooting webs.” The strength might be a surprise but come on, he’s wearing a costume. Better to assume he can throw a Prius at you until you prove he can’t.
And what about this guy:

Maybe if he shaved his mutton chops (and his shoulders) you might think “What’s this guy call himself, the Clydesdale?” But no, not with those bare feet and unclipped nails.
Next, imagine her:

And him:
![]()
Just before they started using their powers. If you saw people in those costumes committing a bank robbery on Action News, what would you bring with you as you raced to the scene of the big fight? That’s right–a fire extinguisher for the first one and a flame thrower for the second.
Even worse, their names are Firestorm and Blizzard.
This is what we call Giving Too Much Away. When I get superpowers and start fighting crime, I’m going to get a black and white striped suit, with a mane down the back. People will see me and think “Zebra? I’ll bet he’s pretty fast and can kick hard.” Which is just when I’d breathe fire on their asses.
In fact, I’d have a bunch of different suits to wear, and some of them would be identical to what the other heroes in the city wear. High-tech jewel thieves wouldn’t know if they were facing Meson Ray, Knifey the Stabber, or Captain Breath… until it was too late!
Seriously. Let’s try to use our heads here.
Why am I thinking about this? Because of one of the toughest edits to Man Bites World. The POV is, again, tight on Ray, and he doesn’t have a lot of people explaining things to him. He certainly knows more than he did in book one, all hard-earned info, lemme tell you, but not everything.
And my agent (who is my only beta-reader, remember) gave me a note saying that I needed to define the main antagonist’s abilities. Is he incredibly powerful like the guy from book 2? More? Less? What can he do?
Of course she’s right. I need to establish the boundaries and set the context here. Except, this guy, who does not have a friend in the world, has no one to tell about his abilities. What’s more, he has no reason to talk about them. He has several conversations with Ray in the course of the book, and he knows Ray is thinking about killing him, so why would he want to show his hand?
Antagonist: Me? Oh, I can generate large pulses of electrical energy and discharge them through my hands or teeth.
Ray: (writes in notebook: “buy rubber galoshes”)
So the only way to reveal what the guy can do is to show it happening, and by then shit is already going down.
This is the most difficult note she gave me, and I’m not sure I solved it completely. The change I made was this:
Ray: Why would you even do that to yourself?
Antagonist: Trying to find out more about my powers, eh? Hah! Forget it! (snaps fingers in Ray’s face)
Ray: (rolls eyes)
Okay, the revisions weren’t literally like this, but that’s the gist. Will it work? Hell yeah! I kinda love it. Will it work for anyone else? Well, that’s sorta the question. I’ll explain things to my ever-wise agent and see what she says. But sometimes you have to respond to a note like “What was in the box?!?! You never said!” by scrolling down to the last line of the document and writing “And we never did find out what was in that box. THE END”.
1) A Book by its Gorey Cover. And Part 2.
2) That Old Spice “I’m on a horse” commercial–and an interview with the guys who made it. CGI or no? via madrobins
4) “It’s like MOBY DICK, right, but with a white dragon!“ I’d better get started on my ROBO-MEO AND POD-PERSON JULIET story, quick!
5) A restaurant dessert like no other. I don’t even know what most of this is, but I want it.
6) Twilight invades every aspect of our culture.
7) The Brad Pitt Guy, Part Last. With bonus note-arguing.
I still feel like crap. My throat is still raw and I’m exhausted all the time. There are so many things around here that need to be done and I can’t keep up with them all, especially since I’m running myself ragged. If somebody doesn’t vacuum the living room carpet soon, it’s going to rise up and destroy us all.
I’m still doing my writing, because that involves sitting and being in a weird trance state. Raising a kid, though? I’m failing. Not that he minds doing whatever the hell he wants–most kids get to watch a lot of TV when they get sick. Mine pops in Three Stooges and Addams Family DVDs when I get sick.
Tired. Bed now, if I can get the kid to wash up.
My franchise agreement with the Lego Corporation continues to be a fruitful source of revenue for both of us. The Child of Fire Lego set sold well beyond expectations, and they’re coming back for another round (naturally).
Here’s the cover for the new novel, coming out in August:
And here, revealed to you for the first time ever, is the early concept art for the box the Game of Cages Lego Set will ship in:
I like how they made the lightning shoot sideways, like it’s coming out of the house, although I *told* their designers last time that they had Ray’s hair color wrong, but did they remember to change it?
Ah well.
The good news is, this deal is making me filthy rich, and pretty soon I’m going take of from rainy, miserable Seattle and settle down with my family in an Italian vila. Mediterranean, here I come!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Once again, just joshin’. This image was created with Lego Digital Designer, a CAD program (of sorts) that lets you design a Lego model virtually, then upload it to their site and have the pieces mailed to you. The nice thing about the LDD joke for this second book is that I’m such a big cheese writer now that I can offshore the actual creation of the image to South Korea my 8-year-old son. He did a great job, and it would have taken me hours to do it myself.