NPR does a story about the “formula” for bestsellers (pfft! Don’t even), and the comment section turns out the wackiness.

I’m writing an international suspense novel about a vampire wizard from India who is a descendant of both Jesus and Mohammed, and who leads a secret elite team of spies fighting the worldwide crime syndicate. This individual can have out-of-body experiences, visit heaven, or change sexes at will, has a cool costume, and can fly.