Christmas has twelve days–at least, according to the song it does–so I thought I’d do you the favor of sharing 12 Giftmas nopes (presents you really want nothing to do with. Here you go:
2. A belly button brush. For the disgusting Pig Pen in your life.
4. Generic “Weener Kleener” Soap. I assume it has that name because of the shape. “Fits most men!”
5. Real nightvision goggles for kids. Only someone desperate to be the “cool aunt/cool uncle” would buy this, especially if they wanted to be cut out of their siblings’ will.
7. A single blue-raspberry flavored Gummi Bear that weighs five pounds. In case you want to spend months gnawing on something vaguely bear-cub shaped.
8. A goatee-shaving template. Don’t bother pointing out that it’s actually a Van Dyke. That battle’s lost.
9. A Unisex Adult The Big Lebowski The Dude Wig and Beard Kit. In case your loved one has too much pride to use a shaving template.
10. A Nose Shower Gel Dispenser. For people who want to imagine themselves rubbing snot all over their bodies.
11. A coffee mug shaped like a toilet bowl. For loved ones trying to quit coffee.
12. Shittens. Not a typo.
Be honest now. You’re tempted by the pink rabbit fur poncho, aren’t you?
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by Harry Connolly
2) Steve Rogers: Premature Anti-Facist. h/t James Nicoll
6) Pacific Rim in the Power Rangers style! Video.
7) Want to deter pests without using chemicals or traps? Try an automatic lawn sprinkler with a motion-sensor attached.
How long before
1) Bezos uses the power of WaPo to slam law makers who pass regulations Amazon doesn’t like?
2) Bezos makes Amazon pay licensing fees to him personally to carry the WaPo on Kindle tablets?
3) Lets YOU, the average member of the general public, write your OWN news to be published on the WaPo site without all those gatekeeping editors standing in your way?
Congratulations to the British royal family on the birth of Tyrion Khaleesi Jeoffrey Cambridge. Don’t drink too much on your boar hunts, kid.
Most of us have favorite holiday specials from when we were kids (and after!) so I thought I’d take a moment to list my favorite holiday-themed movies, specials, and TV episodes about everyone’s favorite holiday, The Purge.
It’s The Purge, Charlie Brown! Sent to buy supplies for all of his friends just before the big night, Charlie Brown returns with only a single, undersized firebomb. The other kids mock him and drive him away until the realize that, with a little laundry soap and a bag of fertilizer, the tiny firebomb isn’t so bad after all, driving home the true meaning of Purge night.
The Grinch Who Stole Purge Living a lonely hermit’s life, The Grinch hates that the Purge disturbs his solitude every year with the sounds of gunfire and screaming. One year, he sneaks into the local village to steal every gun, bladed weapon, and explosive they have only to discover the true meaning of Purge night when the villagers begin to murder each other with their finger nails and teeth.
Purgetown Starring Debbie Reynolds. Three kids find themselves transported to a magical town where every night is Purge night.
It’s a Wonderful Riot Facing scandal, prison, and bankruptcy, George Bailey wishes he had never been born. An angel appears and grants his wish, taking him on a tour of the smoking crater his gated community would be without him.
Miracle on 35th Street The skeptical young daughter of a psychoanalyst experiences the true joy of The Purge when, against all logic and reason, a NY court rules that cathartic rage for therapeutic purposes is totally a real thing.
(This post inspired by @timcarvell’s tweet.)